Breaking the Silence: Navigating the Shadows of Depression

TRIGGER WARNING: DEPRESSION and mentions of SELF HARM

Let's talk about the elephant in the room that plagues many people in this generation; depression.

In 2019, about 5% of Canadians over the age of 15 experienced a major depressive episode. 11% of adults will meet the criteria for a major depressive disorder within their lifetime. That is roughly 4.3 million people, just in Canada. Worldwide, roughly 280 million people suffer with depression.

As a brand new nurse who graduated in 2019, I got to spend the beginning of my career in a trying time that we all know and love; COVID-19 pandemic days. I worked in a long term care that specialized in geriatric psychiatrics, so the job was mentally taxing at times as a baseline. As time went on, the hours of work gradually began increasing, everyone was stressed out from having to work all the time and people were becoming more and more burnt out and frustrated. Mental health problems also started to skyrocket during this time.

I worked crazy hours; working 16 hour days most of the week to cover the staff that quit during the pandemic. It was a stressful time for everyone and it had negative effects on people. People became very lonely and depressed during pandemic days, and I personally do not think that we have recovered from that now in 2024.

I neglected my own needs quite often back in those days, thinking that if I worked harder then maybe I would advance in my career quicker. As I learned, that was not the case. I spiraled into a deep state of depression instead.

Quite often during pandemic days I saw families visiting their loved ones from outside in their remaining days and I saw many people declining from the decrease in human interaction; myself included. I witnessed a lot of people passing away alone or being extremely scared and becoming violent due to the lack of human interaction that they had.

This lead to me becoming very disconnected, and uninterested in the things that once gave me joy.

Depression is 100% different from regular mood changes. It lasts most of the day nearly every day, for two weeks or more.

Depression quite often can cause:

• sleep disruptions

• loss of interest in activities that you once enjoyed.

• poor concentration

• hopelessness about the future

• thoughts about dying or suicide

• changes in appetite or weight

• fatigue

It can also cause difficulties in all aspects of life, including home, work, school, and other relationships.

From my own personal experience, getting help when I finally hit rock bottom was hard. The stigma surrounding mental health and getting help was and remains bad. Especially for those who work in fields where you are continuously in the care of other people's lives.

From working in a frontline job, I have seen the stigma that surrounds those who are struggling mentally. Those who are struggling are often isolated, and feel hopeless. So many people I know in all jobs (but especially those in frontline jobs) are scared or worried to call in to work if they're not having a good day.

A few years ago in 2021, I was going through one of the hardest times in my life. Work pressures, life pressures, and relationship struggles eventually lead me to my breaking point. I ended up at an emergency department knowing that I did not want to exist on this world anymore. My friends thought it would be the best place to seek help for me and they took me there. I was resistant at first, because I did not think anything was wrong and that they would not be able to help.

Once the nurses found out that I was also a nurse (from them asking what my occupation was to assess stressors), they started treating me differently in that department. I was scared, alone and had absolutely no hope left in my tank.

The doctor came into the room, clearly distraught, disheveled and stressed out from the day that he had just endured and he took one look at me as he sat down in the chair across from where I was sitting.

The next thing that came out of his mouth were the words, "So do you plan on harming yourself? I know you are a nurse and that is stressful, but is there a reason you are here?"

It was almost as if there were no compassion left from any of the people I encountered on that fateful day. I was given a card with a toll-free number to call if I felt completely hopeless. They also directed me to my employee assistance program. When I reached out to the employee assistance program, I was actually turned away and told to come back only if I got to the point where I was going to break again or if I was feeling like harming myself.

I had to call in for my shift the next morning following my ER visit, because I knew that I would not be able to perform my duties. I felt immense guilt, shame, and afraid of the risk of calling in sick when I was struggling to keep myself together. When I did, I was met with contempt on the other side of the phone because staffing was chronically bad where I worked. I felt even worse that I called in sick in that moment.

It was then and there that I decided that there needed to be more help, discussion, education and resources for those struggling not only with mental health, but for those working in frontline work struggling with mental health.

At the time, I did not realize how depressed I was until the people around me started telling me that I was not myself. It is crazy how we can go on living our lives, and thinking everything is seemingly normal and status quo, when it really isn't. My depression eventually lead to physical illnesses, sleep disturbances, and all the other things you would associate with depression. I am grateful for not only my coworkers that noticed at the time, but my friends and family too for telling me to seek help, even if I thought I could handle everything on my own.

That's the thing though with all of us collectively in frontline work, so often we are so caught up in taking care of other people that we neglect our own needs. We go on autopilot to continue caring for everyone else without stopping to take care of our well-being. We become shells of the people that we once were, and we become stressed, burnt out, and even depressed. So many of us think we can handle everything that life throws at us without help, but having help makes it so much easier to navigate through.

Depression is no joke, and is very very real. Had I not sought out my own therapist, and dealt with all the things that I was facing at that time I probably would not be here on this earth right now, trying to help those in frontline work by educating and opening the conversation about mental health.

If you, or someone you know is struggling with depression, burnout, stress, PTSD, or any type of mental health problem, seek help.

There are peer support groups, like Osi-Can for PTSD support, open to all frontline workers.

And there are options like:

Calling 9-8-8 in Canada (Suicide Prevention Line)

Alberta:

Mental Health Helpline: 1-877-303-2642

Crisis Text Line: text CONNECT to 741741

Text4Hope: text HOPEAB to 393939

Text4Well-Being: text WELLBEING to 1-844-990-4343 (Support to help build resilience and improve well being in first responders.)

Text4PTSI: text PTSI to 1-844-990-4343 (Support first responders dealing with post traumatic stress injury symptoms.)

Seeking out a counsellor, therapist or, psychiatrist is also another way to get help. Sometimes employers will have mental health care provided with an employee assistance program.

Or,

You can find affordable options for counselling in Canada with this website here: https://affordabletherapynetwork.com/

As always though, make sure to take care of you. If you are not feeling like yourself, you are not going to be performing at your best at your job. Take that time for yourself, and try not to feel that intense guilt that is placed on us so heavily.

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog, and I am very sorry I went a month without one! The overwhelming response I have gotten to this initiative has been keeping me so busy! I will try to get a blog out at least monthly from this point forward.

Looking forward to sharing some stories of other frontline workers in the next blog posts to come! Stay tuned for some more events and partnerships!

-Destiny